Are Your Dating Relationships Healthy or Hurtful?

Questions to ask yourself, your friend or your daughter-

• Are you afraid of your boyfriend/date/partner's behavior?
• Are you afraid to break up because the partner has threatened to hurt himself or others?
• Do you feel like you need to constantly apologize for or defend your partner's behavior?
• Are you afraid to disagree with your boyfriend?
• Are you increasingly isolated from friends and family?
• Are you embarrassed in front of others because of a partner's words or actions?
• Are you intimidated by a partner and coerced into having sex.
• Does your boyfriend insult you in public and in private?
• Do you feel pressured to drink alcohol, take drugs or have sex?
• Does your partner tell you jealousy and possessiveness are signs of real love?
• Does your boyfriend constantly check up on where you have been and who you have been with?

Signs of a health relationship-

• You have a right to be treated with respect at all times.
• You have a right to live free from verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, and physical
  abuse at all times.
• Your needs are just as important as your boyfriend's needs.
• You have a right to have and voice your own opinions.
• You have a right to disagree and say so.
• You have the right to see family and friends without being pressured by a partner's jealousy.
• You have a right to live without fear and confusion over your boyfriend's anger.
• You have a right to not be called names.

Facts vs Myths -

FACT Teen dating violence is one of the fastest rising areas of violent crime in this country.

FACT One in three teens experience some form of relationship violence before they graduate from high school or college.

FACT Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury for women ages 15-44.

FACT Most teens don't know that their partner's violence is wrong and is a crime.

FACT Jealousy and possessiveness are not signs of love, but of insecurity and
lack of trust. They are warning signs.

FACT  Women are not assaulted more often by strangers, but by men they know.
Nearly four in ten women who are murdered in the United States-including those ages 15-19-are killed by a husband or boyfriend.

FACT Relationship violence does not end without outside intervention. No matter how many times your boyfriend promises to change, he will not. He needs help.

FACT You are not responsible for his violence. You did nothing to cause it. You do not deserve to be abused.

If you think you are in a dangerous or violent relationship-

• You must recognize that change NOW is absolutely necessary in order for you to be safe.
• Talk to someone you trust --an adult, a parent, a teacher, a counselor, a school nurse, your youth pastor.
• Take responsibility for your actions-End the relationship now.
• Avoid alcohol and drug use.
• If necessary, obtain a Restraining Order against your boyfriend and enforce it.
• Remember that God loves you very much and never approves of domestic violence.
• Pray and ask God to help you end the relationship and be safe. He will hear and answer your prayers for help.

Contact the following resources-

Call San Diego county's crisis hotline - 1-888- 305-SAFE

YDI (Youth Crisis Hotline) 1-800- HIT-HOME

YWCA Domestic Violence Services hotline (619) 234-3164

YWCA San Diego Domestic Violence (619) 239-0355

Above data excerpted from the American Bar Association. For further information, visit their site at http://www.abanet.org/publiced/teendating.shtml