My name is Erica. I am 24 years old and a survivor of two abusive relationships. The first one was for 6 months when I was a teenager. I had a boyfriend who hit me. The second relationship was from age 23-24. I will soon be 25 years old. It will be one year since I made the decision to take my life back from my abusive boyfriend.

I came to the Lord when I was 17. I was baptized when I was 19. Shortly after my baptism, I began to struggle with my faith. I was having a hard time staying connected to my church and family. Although I prayed and was in and out of church, I wasn't willing to make a 100% commitment to Christ.

I have been told my whole life that I am a leader. The responsibility of others had always seemed too big for me. I received the calling to minister the word God when I was 19, but I didn't want it. I thought to myself, "Who am I? I'm not worthy?" This same thinking is want led me to become a victim of a year-long abusive, toxic relationship which led to another year of legal battles and fear.

Our story is so unimaginable that people would not believe me unless I told them in person. The man I was engaged to turned out to be a con-artist, with a different identity. I became a stripper and sold illegal pills to financially support him. He made me think he was in danger with the law and a drug cartel. I was afraid that we both might be killed one day.

He was jealous and often got into fights over his friend's looking at me. He would put a gun to his head whenever I tried to break up with him. He would hit me, pull my hair and choke me when he would feel suspicious of me and accuse me of sleeping with other men.

Two years ago, I found my fiancé at a motel with another woman. This man had slapped me and abused me verbally. Now he was with another woman. The rage I had built up against him suddenly exploded. I was arrested for felony vandalism to his truck and two counts of aggravated assault. This was a felony charge, which was later lowered to a misdemeanor charge of assault with a deadly weapon.

I stabbed my ex-fiancé in the face with a glass bottle. I was enraged and had reached my boiling point. I beat my ex-boyfriend the way he had beaten me. I felt incredible anger, sadness, rage, and betrayal. There were several people at the hotel that stood by and watched. I asked him how it felt to be beaten the way he had beaten me. I kept asking him why he abused me?

I was in jail for 3 days. While in jail I found out almost 90% of the women who were incarcerated with me were there because of something having to do with a man who supposedly loved them. We cried and shared stories. Many of the women came from broken homes and suffered from low self-esteem. Many didn't know that the Lord still loved them. I often had women approach me and ask me for prayers.

The day of my first court hearing, while still locked up in a holding tank with 30 other women, I lead them all in prayer. I prayed over several women. I felt like many of them had much worse circumstances than I did. I was fortunate to have the evidence against my ex-boyfriend regarding his abusive past with me, and proof of the fact that he had been using a false identity for the entire duration of our relationship. This evidence helped me get out of jail.

After many court dates, time and money, I was finally freed from all charges because my crimes were considered crimes of passion. I was granted a 6 month restraining order. I have never seen my ex-boyfriend again.

However I felt guilty for acting out towards him the way he did towards me. I felt ashamed. I still ask God to forgive me for acting the way I did. But every day I also wonder how many other women is he abusing the same way he abused me. He is still out there abusing women. He is still pimping women and conning them out of money.

I pray for those women. I pray for the 100's of women who never fight back. I pray that God forgives me for becoming abusive back and using violence against my abuser.

I want so much to help others. I want so much to let other women know that love is not supposed to hurt the way I was hurt. I want them to know the most important love they can receive is the love God offers through his Son, Jesus Christ.

After the bruises heal and the stitches come out, our hearts still need the kind of mending only God can bring. I know this. I remind myself everyday that I am beautiful, I am precious, I am worthy of love, and I thank my Father for the love he continues to show me, even in my darkest hours.

I have very little money, no car and live with my family. But I have a heart that is being healed. Every time I pray for others, I am healed. If there are any women out there who need prayers or support, I am here to be a servant for the Lord. My heart is prepared and I am willing with love to help in any way that I can.

Love in Christ,
Erica